Joseph Turns 30!
When we were in the early stages of learning that our son was autistic, I went to a song that made me feel deeply. I knew in my heart that my son was more than the diagnosis.
Wonder, by Natalie Merchant is the song that helped me heal, and to know that there was more than a diagnosis to my beautiful son. I still shed tears to this day every time I listen to this magical song. Wonder was and is my anthem for my ASD parenting journey.
The song's lyrics speak about how doctors come from distant cities just to see what this child is all about. To make sense of something they can not make sense of or to explain why my child is the way that he is. No concrete answers. No explanation.
Why is my son autistic? I was often asked. I also wondered why? To this day I still have no answer. I can guess and I can only continue to wonder.
One thing that I do know for sure is that my son is a gift. He is exactly who he is with a deep profound way of seeing the world. I can only marvel at his mind and the way he perceives the world.
When my son's future was predicted by most professionals, it was dark and stripped of any hope but I began to notice something inside of me that told me that my son's future would not be over before he began living his life. Would there be struggles? Yes, 100%.
A small piece of the lyrics from Wonder:
Know this child will be gifted
With love, with patience, and with faith
He’ll (She’ll) make his way.
I knew that this was true for my son. I knew that one day he would make his way. I needed to guide him with all my love, patience, and faith.
Along our journey, we both had difficult days, but one thing that was always present was love.
Most of the challenges were difficult because I didn’t understand them. When Joseph was having a meltdown I had no idea why. I deeply observed his frustration and tried to find answers to prevent his pain.
Living life during that time was living in the game of charades. I became very good at this game of life and although I didn’t understand it completely, I learned how to read my son. We became a team and together we found answers to help understand each other.
Joseph is authentically kind, patient, and full of love. When my son hugs me I am filled up with love.
When I am having a hard day, I ask him if I can have a Joseph hug and he smiles and delivers pure love that resonates through me.
Joseph is intelligent, gifted, and way over my head. I can see him pausing to try and explain his thoughts to his mother.
I am on the other end tuning all my abilities to prepare for his highly evolved explanation that I desperately want to receive. Most of the time it takes a few tries but then we both feel accomplished after one of our beautiful conversations.
These past 30 years have been full of growth as a human being for me. I have evolved into a much kinder, patient and loving person because of my son.
He has taught me more than I could ever have taught him. He teaches with love and grace. I am filled with gratitude for my autism parenting journey with one of the most unique, delightful humans on this earth.
Joseph is one of God’s own creations and I no longer need an explanation for his autism diagnosis. He is Joseph, my son.
Thanks for picking me to be your mom. Happy 30th Birthday Joseph!
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The days following hearing the words “Joseph is autistic,” were some of my darkest days. I was living with the deepest pain I had felt in my 32 years of life. It was my first life tsunami. I didn’t know the way out to find the light. It felt like instantly being lost and not knowing which way to go.