Follow the Love

I have often heard parents say that they wished they had been given a handbook on how to parent. I can relate to that because more times than I would like to admit I have needed a parenting handbook. I needed help in how to handle sensitive situations without damaging my children. 

There is a lot of trial and error moving through each stage of our child’s life. When I first became a mother, I held tight to the book, What to Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenbery, Sandee Hathaway. I made sure it was right next to me at all times. I was terrified that I would unintentionally hurt my baby.

This fear lived inside of me for many years especially when it came to parenting my first born, who was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). When I became Joseph’s mom I didn’t have the skills for this life altering job. I felt like I was not qualified for this responsibility. All I knew was that I loved my son more than myself. That in itself would have to be enough. 

There were many days that I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the stress, heartache, and fear, but I didn’t because my love for Joseph was bigger than myself. All I needed was to hear him waking up in his crib and I popped up out of bed to begin our day. Some days were harder than others; regardless, each day was filled with love. 

My sister from time to time will bring up how she would kneel down by Joseph’s playpen to distract him with her hair. He would tug or stroke her hair so that I could use the bathroom. Otherwise, as soon as I was out of sight he would begin crying and have a very hard time settling back down. I can remember how frantic I was to return to my son's sight to prevent a meltdown.

We chuckle at this now, but back then we were all about keeping Joseph calm. We had learned that meltdowns can last for hours which we wanted to prevent at all costs. 

I reflect back and wonder how I did everything I did in a day, each day for years? I believe the answer is love. My hunch is that any mother who is reading this can feel the love they have for their own child. This love is powerful. It gives you the strength you need to do whatever it takes to care for your child. Even when you feel lost, exhausted, and overwhelmed. 

Love keeps us going even on the most difficult days. I had many challenging moments with Joseph. I had many moments when I didn’t know what to do, or which direction to go in to help my son. 

I loved my son more than myself so when he was hurt I was hurt. It is difficult to know what to do when you are in the thick of a dark moment. When someone you would give your life for, is hurting. 

What I learned was that my internal compass for Joseph was my love, my heart. Somehow the answers would show up and I knew what to do. When in doubt, follow your heart. 

I had many professionals, teachers, friends, family members giving me their heartfelt advice, but something would shift inside of me when their advice didn’t feel right. I knew Joseph better than anyone. My mother's heart would guide the way for both of us. 

My mother’s intuition was always present. I heard my inner whisper, my gut, my heart reject certain therapies, interventions, strategies, medications that were recommended. I knew that was not for my son. My intuition turned into a raging mother lion when I felt like it was not right for Joseph. I was strongest in those moments and knew without a doubt which direction to go. 

I believe all mothers have this internal compass. All mothers have deep heartache, stress, guilt, doubt, and have the lion's heart to guide them. 

Internal Compass Practice:

If you are at a crossroads with your child, take a moment and slow down.

• Find a quiet safe space and take three big beautiful breaths. Whatever the decision is that you are trying to make for your precious child has an answer. 

• Ask yourself the question at hand and then sit with it. 

• Let all the fearful thoughts that are running around in your mind come out. Picture them on clouds drifting away. 

• Next, speak your thoughts or write them down. You need to know that these thoughts are not true. They are just thoughts.

• Once you have released your fearful thoughts take a few more breaths and go to your heartspace.

• Keep breathing slow breaths as you ask yourself the question at hand. 

• Now allow your heart to speak to you. You will hear the answer. 

• Once you hear the answer, believe it, don’t reject it. You may find yourself going right back to your head thoughts rather than your heart. 

How do you know the difference? 

When you are in fearful thoughts, you will feel anxious rather than calm. When you are in heartspace you will feel peaceful and your breath will be slower. You will feel your love for your child rather than fear for your child. 

You can use the Internal Compass Practice each and every day that fear takes over. 

Believe in your mother’s guide internal compass. It knows the way.

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