Get Support ASAP - #2 Advice
Support ASAP is #2 on my list of essential advice as you travel on your ASD journey with your child.
When you are on this journey you may feel deep loneliness. I felt alone although I had support all around me. So, why did I feel alone?
I felt alone because I didn’t feel that my son was understood. I didn't feel that I was understood. I tried very hard to explain that Joseph’s meltdowns came from his fear and sensory overload. I experienced looks of judgment and advice on how to discipline my son.
I had family and friends who were very understanding, but when Joseph would have a meltdown or extreme fears, I was left trying to keep him calm. Many times my husband and I would avoid going out in public or traveling because we feared that it would be too much for Joseph and too stressful for us.
I learned as much as I could to help my son. I thought if I could figure out what was causing his meltdowns then I could help prevent them. There was a lot of trial and error and feelings of isolation during this period of our autism journey.
I finally found support in other parents who were struggling and desperate to find ways to help their children. I began attending autism conferences with my husband to find resources. I was filled with unexpected gratitude as I found deep support and friendship from other parents who seemed to understand my pain.
I decided that I wanted other parents to experience what I had found through love and support. I founded our very first local support group. I wanted other parents, teachers, or anyone who was looking for help to gather together and find comfort. I hoped we would not only be discussing therapies but also how to get through the hard days.
Finding others who were in deep grief and pain to share how I really felt changed my life. It gave me great insight to not only my own story but how others that I met were dealing with what fate had dealt us.
Some of our discussions were deep and healing while others stayed surface level. I noticed that some parents who attended were only there to find solutions, some were in deep denial, and some were barely getting by. I saw myself in all the faces that I met.
The greatest lesson was that we all needed each other and we were part of the human experience that is most difficult—Pain.
It didn’t matter where we were on our autism parenting journey. We were all parents who deeply loved our children. We only wanted what all parents want….for our children to live happy independent lives.
I learned that without support, I would not be able to help my son. I now know that I would not have been able to help myself. Support is to advocate, back, and to help uphold which is exactly what we all need.
Research has shown that your well-being, better coping skills, and a longer and healthier life are all benefits of having a strong support system.
Even with knowing the importance of finding support, many mother guides that I have spoken to do not have a strong support system in place.
Why? Some mother guides don’t know where to find support depending on where they live. I also have seen that, although it is very obvious to me, they aren’t aware that they need support. They are too busy searching for answers for their children that they do not look up to catch a breath.
I am very passionate about finding love and support for yourself so that you can take a breath. A deep breath of healing joy.
Where To Find Support:
Family and Friends: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. In our book A Mother’s Guide Through Autism, I talk about asking for help as if it were a prayer. I had often felt that I didn’t want to ask for help because I was showing weakness. Asking for help is an action of strength. When you ask for help, you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable. That is beautiful. Those that help us will also benefit from this experience. It is win-win when we give ourselves permission to ask for help.
Community: Seek support from your local support groups. You can try a few groups and choose one that fits your needs. If you are in a rural location like I am, consider starting one in your area. This will open up a huge network of resources, hope, and great friendships.
Online support groups. There are many online support groups available which is wonderful for all of us. I began an online support group, Mother Guide Through Autism, which is a private FaceBook group. It is a community that shares resources, hope, and inspiration. The intention is to uplift each other in a safe space.
My hope is that you find love and support on your autism journey.
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The days following hearing the words “Joseph is autistic,” were some of my darkest days. I was living with the deepest pain I had felt in my 32 years of life. It was my first life tsunami. I didn’t know the way out to find the light. It felt like instantly being lost and not knowing which way to go.