It Begins with You - #3 Advice
I just had a great conversation with one of my life coach friends and she found a great coaching moment for me.
We were discussing what our intention is for our coaching clients. I began explaining what my purpose was in helping moms who have kids diagnosed with autism.
I shared that I felt aggressively ambitious. Those words might sound negative, but that is how I felt. That is why I took the leap of faith to write A Mother’s Guide Through Autism; I wanted to reach as many mothers as I could possibly reach.
She asked me to finish this statement: I am aggressively ambitious . . .
I took a breath and finished the statement by saying, “I am aggressively ambitious in helping mothers heal their hearts.”
We both had a moment where we knew this statement was my purpose. Knowing this is my purpose, I want to give you this next piece of essential advice.
What I know for sure is that you will need to grab the oxygen mask for yourself first in order to deepen your strength and resilience for your child.
Believe me when I say that without giving yourself healing space and self-compassion, you will run out of fuel.
The important piece of my ASD parenting journey was that I did not consider myself. My hunch is that some of you who are reading this will want to take care of yourself but you don’t know where to begin.
I often think about my 32-year-old self and I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and didn’t have a clue how to help my son or manage my family. I was great at finding resources but clueless in managing my stress and healing my broken heart.
When you have a child with autism, life can feel too big. And so I want you to take a breath and slow down. Remembering to take a breath is essential; it slows down the pace of life. Once you can slow down, it becomes easier to sort out the big pile of confusion and how to move forward.
This is a big messy time in your life. I know it was for me and I want to help you find ways to live a happier life.
Yes, you have been dealt a big scary card knowing that your child has a lifelong disability, but you will be okay.
I had a huge knot in my stomach every single day and night for years. The knot came from fear, deep sadness, confusion, and feeling of being misunderstood.
I didn’t know that I could dissolve this knot of negative energy. I was not aware that it existed inside of me every minute after getting my son’s diagnosis of autism. I also didn’t notice that the knot grew.
I could not escape the knot of pain that became a part of me. Each day, each year that passed, the knot evolved and grew.
I often felt that I was living a life of walking on eggshells. I felt as though if I took the next step, all would crack and we would not recover from the damage.
I didn’t know and understand that caring for myself was how to find peace in my life.
I eventually learned that if I found peace, my family would also become more peaceful.
Living without caring for yourself will result in carrying pain around with you. Maybe yours isn’t a knot in your stomach but your knot lives somewhere inside of you.
You can slowly begin to take steps towards healing your heart with self-compassion. Trust that simple small steps will lead to practicing self-love which leads to peace.
Self-compassion is the most essential ingredient in creating a happier life on your ASD parenting journey.
Self-Compassion 101:
You know you are worthy of this practice if you are breathing. Take 3 deep breaths to remind yourself.
Make a list of all the self-love and kindness that you are craving. What are you daydreaming about? Write down any thoughts that pop up.
Look at your list and don’t judge it. Every item on your list is possible.
Pick one item on your list. Now imagine that you are going to do this for someone else. Feel the positive energy..
In this good energy of giving to someone else, turn it around to yourself. Imagine giving yourself the self-compassion that you crave. Close your eyes and picture it.
Now just do it. Notice how you feel. My hunch is you feel much lighter.
If you would like to learn more about this practice you can go to A Mother’s Guide Through Autism book, Chapter 11-Moving Forward with Self-Compassion and enjoy the feeling of self-love.
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The days following hearing the words “Joseph is autistic,” were some of my darkest days. I was living with the deepest pain I had felt in my 32 years of life. It was my first life tsunami. I didn’t know the way out to find the light. It felt like instantly being lost and not knowing which way to go.