Permission To Grieve - #4 Advice
When I was living through my life tsunamis (moments on my knees), I did not give myself permission to grieve.
Although grief was always present, I never gave grief my time or attention. The only time I acknowledged that I was experiencing grief was when I could no longer pretend that I was “fine.” Big crashing waves of deep pain and sadness would come out of nowhere.
If you have been following me these past couple of years, you probably know that I encourage all mother guides to take time for themselves so that they can live with more joy on their autism parenting journey. What I have noticed is that it is difficult for moms to slow down long enough to absorb this message.
Giving yourself permission to grieve is essential. In fact, without allowing grief to be a part of your journey, it will only keep you from healing your heart. This is too big and important to skip on your autism parenting journey.
So, what do I mean by giving yourself permission to grieve?
Grief is experiencing deep sorrow. I do not want you to live in the deep dark forest of sorrow throughout your life. I want to offer you hope, and that is what allows grief to come and join you as you find your way through it.
I am a mother guide just like you are and I have been where you are standing. My grief with my son’s diagnosis has left some scars but I have healed through my pain.
I believe we can offer hope to each other when we have somehow gotten to the other side of grief. We can share our experiences in a way that allows others to see we were once there on our knees just like they are and now we walk tall with hope once again.
My grief was huge, messy, and painful. I have stumbled through my grief for many years. My hunch is that I will stumble again; however, I will be able to regain my balance faster next time because I now know that grief is a part of being alive.
Moving through grief you may begin to identify with these 5 stages:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
During my journey as a mother guide, I experienced all five stages at some point. Grief is not linear. I have also been in more than one stage of grief at a time, depending on what was happening at any given moment.
Grief is a part of life but how we get through it or don’t get through it determines how we live the rest of our life. It takes a great deal of courage, work, support, and the willingness to accept the process. It is by far the hardest thing I have ever done.
Once you give yourself permission to go through grief and create the awareness that grief is part of your journey, you will begin to heal.
Grief can become an old friend who pops in and out of your life once you lean into it.
For now, there is no pressure or hurry to move through your grief. This is the beauty of owning your own personal journey. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I am going to ask you to lean into grief and give yourself permission to move forward.
Here is a mantra to help you lean into grief:
Be Kind.
Be Loving.
Be Present.
Once you say this mantra out loud or to yourself, begin to treat yourself as if you were sitting with your best friend. Begin to comfort her with love and kindness. Would you get her a cup of hot tea? A box of soft tissues to dry her tears? Whatever nurturing gestures you would offer your best friend, offer these to yourself.
Giving yourself permission is the first step to moving through grief and healing your mother’s heart.
Create hope today!
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The days following hearing the words “Joseph is autistic,” were some of my darkest days. I was living with the deepest pain I had felt in my 32 years of life. It was my first life tsunami. I didn’t know the way out to find the light. It felt like instantly being lost and not knowing which way to go.