Advocate With Kindness

I believe that mothers are some of the very best problem-solvers in the world, and they get very little credit.

Over the years I have witnessed mothers in action and I am amazed at how they advocate for their children on the spectrum. They show up for their child with a fierce loving kindness that I deeply admire.

I have interviewed moms for the Mother's Guide Through Autism podcast, who have created schools, therapies, and not only offered healing solutions for their own children but also have spread love to other children and parents on the autism journey. 

One of my main considerations, as I hit some of my own personal advocacy walls, was the big picture.

Perhaps his teachers, administrators, or peer parents may have had their own negative experiences with disabilities. I thought to myself there is a reason that this individual is so defensive. Why are they making these simple requests for Joseph so big?

Something was triggering them but I didn’t know what was causing their negative behavior. Maybe some simply did not have the knowledge to help my child? Then there were also some educators who did not want anything to do with my son. 

Why were they so fearful?

What I decided was that, no matter what the reason was in getting resistance to help my son, I was going to be kind. I witnessed some other parents who, before they even met with their child’s team, were angry and triggered themselves.

I thought if I entered a meeting with kindness then perhaps I would be heard. I knew that my requested strategies would be a win-win for all of us. 

Were there times that kindness didn’t work in certain moments? YES! But what I noticed over time was that although fear was greater than kindness for some, eventually kindness would offer each person an experience that helped heal and lessen their fears. I left those meetings being who I wanted to be, a kind person with my goals met.  

How I Define Advocacy With Kindness:

An advocate is a person who stands up for a person, cause, or philosophy. An advocate defends and supports the person they care about.

Kindness is an action, a way of showing love, affection, and care for another person. Kindness is often given without expectation of being reciprocated.

When I put these two definitions together, it empowers me to advocate through speaking, writing, teaching, defending, and supporting others. I do this through acts of generosity, concern, and consideration for others, especially those on the autism spectrum.

Putting this advocacy with kindness into action steps:

1. Build your support team. Yes, being an honorable advocate may set you apart as the “lone wolf” but it doesn't mean that you have to be. Build your own “wolf pack” by making connections in your community. If there is a local support group for parents with kids on the autism spectrum, become an active member.

If there isn’t one, then maybe you can start one. I have found that once you take the first step, other parents will follow, join, and, help out. We all need support. We all need our own “wolf pack.” Being a quarterback of your team is fueled by knowing you are making a difference. You can lead by following your heart.

2. Volunteer. When you volunteer, you get to know your child’s teachers, school administrators, and other parents who are engaging with your child on a daily basis. Be as present and involved as you can be.

It doesn’t have to be every day or even every week. The first step is to ask: How can I help? Where can I volunteer? Let your child's teacher know the times and days that you are available. It may be challenging to problem-solve volunteering but just remember to begin small and go from there.

Many mother guides are single moms who work hard to support their children. I became a single mom in 2005 and it was tough. When you become part of a “wolf pack,” ask for help. Remember this prayer: Hello Eternal Loving Presence.

3. Communicate. It is the glue for success in advocating with kindness. How you communicate, how often, and to whom are so essential. I always told my two sons that words are powerful. Have an open dialogue with your child’s teachers, administrators, other parents, “wolf pack,” and most importantly, your child.                                                                                                                                                                                    

Having clarity about your intentional outcome will guide your communication. Don’t assume that others know what you and your child need. Once you are clear about what you need, then choose your words to create the best possible outcome. Practice what you want to say, and get feedback before entering a meeting, conference, or encounter.

Communication is a skill that takes practice. If you are taken by surprise, and the outcome is not what you had hoped for, then pause and go back to the drawing board to get what you need to be heard. This will get easier, and remember, if you leave a conversation feeling like you or the other person could have done a better job: know better, do better. This skill will be one of your best tools to advocate honorably and kindly.

I hope the next time you go into a meeting to advocate for your child you use kindness. 

But before you do any of that, let’s bring kindness to yourself as the mother guide by doing a small act of kindness for yourself today.

My Small Act of Kindness is:____________________________

Kindness Is A Superpower!

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