Self-Compassion Is Essential on the Autism Parenting Journey

I have a personal mission to get as many moms to practice self-compassion as possible. 

Why?

To begin, I have my own personal experience of living many years without practicing self-compassion on my autism parenting journey. Not because I didn’t want or choose to, but because I didn’t know it existed. 

I can honestly say that if I had the understanding of what self-compassion meant and how to practice it, I would have lived a much happier life. All I knew was to care for others and that was what I did.

I am a nurturer so it is easy for me to care for others. But if I love taking care of others, why wouldn’t I take care of myself too? 

I think many ideas were taught to me as a young girl. One of them was that my job as a wife and mother was to care for others and put everyone else first. If I did that then I was a good wife and a good mother. 

I do believe in caring for others, but now I also believe in putting myself in this equation. 

When I work with moms, I can see the initial resistance when we begin to incorporate self-compassion. I ask them to trust me and to just give it a try one tiny step at a time. 

When you give to yourself and your energy increases, it will flow into all other areas of your life. The main goal is to live with more resilience, less stress, and more joy. The way to this goal is through self-compassion. 

My personal definition of self-compassion is to nurture myself whenever I need it, each and every day. It includes showing myself kindness and offering myself understanding and forgiveness, even when I don’t show up. Most of all, it is paying attention to what my spirit is craving and feeding it.

Self-compassion encompasses all of the key skills or characteristics of building resilience. I have discovered that as I gradually learned how to take care of myself, I have become more resilient.

Most mother guides encounter a great deal of resistance when they attempt to put themselves first because family, friends, a career, and their child on the spectrum all demand attention. 

I used to have a sarcastic smile on my face when I heard anyone speaking about caring for themselves. I thought, “Yeah right, like that’s gonna happen.”

At first, I didn't even give this idea a chance to evolve into a reality. I shut it down before I could ever consider the thought of filling myself up before attending to anyone else. 

If you are like me and you are shutting down, take a breath and just hang in there with me.

Answer this question: How full is your energy tank as you begin each day? Is it full, half-full, or close to empty? Imagine looking at your car’s gas gauge as you answer this question.

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Wherever your energy gauge is each day, it can be fuller...the fuller the better for you, your child, your relationships, and all the other areas of your life.

Many of us believe consciously or subconsciously that mothers are supposed to be exhausted and last in line to eat and sleep. I, too, believed this crazy idea, which became a way of life for me.

The idea of self-compassion at first seemed selfish to me, but I discovered the bigger picture when it comes to loving yourself. 

I’m not saying don’t care for others. I'm saying that in order to do that, you need to nurture your whole self while you care for others.

Fill Up Your Energy Tank:

Begin your self-compassion practice with these simply steps:

Step One: Notice the pace of your breath throughout the day. If your breath is shallow and rapid, notice it, stop what you are doing, and take 3 deep breaths in a row. 

Step Two: Return to step one if your breath becomes rapid and shallow. Next, find a few quiet moments to yourself in a safe space. 

Step Three: Grab something to write with such as a journal or whatever you can find for this beginning self-compassion practice. 

Step Four: Make a short list of at least 3 things that you can do to practice self-compassion. If you get stuck, think about making a list for your best friend and now apply it to yourself.

Step Five: Choose one self-compassion act from your list that you can do today. Now, go do it. If you need to schedule it, then do that, but do not skip it. It is essential to follow through to experience your energy tank filled up rather than empty. 

At the end of this practice take a few moments and notice that your breath is slower and deeper. Your energy tank will slowly begin to fill up as you increase self-compassion daily.

When you nurture and care for yourself as you do everyone else, you will change your life. You will not only build resilience, but you will also create balance and feel joy in your life again.

You, like everyone else, deserve to feel loved and cared for in this life.

We all do!

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